What Matters Most on Father’s Day

I was recently interviewed by DETAILS Magazine about Father’s Day and Fatherhood. One of the questions was about the meaning of fatherhood and how fathers are portrayed on TV and more importantly, in society as a whole. I was asked if there was a father figure from TV that I remembered or that stuck out in my mind. I felt like I was taking an Alzheimer’s quiz…



So I thought about it. And then I remembered growing up in Southern California and the role models I saw on TV and what mattered most to me. First, I recalled a TV show called The Courtship of Eddie's Father with Bill Bixby. I think this was the first time I learned about the life of a widower. What I liked about this show was that there was a moment at the beginning and end of every show where father and son spoke in a philosophical way to each other - kind of like a “zen moment” between them. They were learning from each other and I thought it was an interesting relationship. I liked the simplicity of the show. I don’t really remember the individual episodes or how he became a widower, but I really didn’t need to know the details. I was completely focused on the bonding between father and son. (Yes, I know there was a Japanese nanny, but I didn’t really put the two together!)

From my adolescence, I remembered Little House on the Prairie, Sanford and Son, Chico and the Man, The Brady Bunch, and Happy Days. These shows had a variety of father figures but they all had an active father role and I liked that. As I continued to talk about these shows, I realized that I was going off rack in my interview. The writer wanted something more current like the father figures of Al Bundy or Homer Simpson, characters that were heavily portrayed as bad, out-of-touch fathers. In addition, they wanted me to comment on the more recent role of Bruce Jenner on the reality TV show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I thought about the family going to Las Vegas, without Bruce who had to stay home for a scheduled doctor’s visit to get a colonoscopy! My legs crossed and my mouth dropped. All I could say was, “That’s one sad state of a family and I am sure they don’t know what kind of message they are sending out to their TV viewers.” I couldn’t hold back my feelings in that interview.

When I left the interview, I realized how today’s TV fathers have so little in common with what reality is like. I am sure you can have the same argument for TV mothers as well. Granted, I am not the perfect father. In fact, I am far from perfect and I am grateful for the mistakes I have made. The lessons that I have learned have taught me about myself and how to be a better dad. What matters most in my life is that I get up every day knowing that I am not perfect. I am willing to learn from my children about how to communicate as the father in my family. Whether you are married, re-married, widowed, newly divorced or a single father with children, we all have a common goal in life: To be the best dad we can be and to being proud of the legacy we create every day of our lives.

I can remember this very topic of conversation with my own father about fatherhood. My Father is a great man. I love and respect him very much. When I was young, he had to work 6 days a week to provide for the five of us. I always knew he was present in my life. When I played sports, I could always count on him being there. If it was a tennis match, I could see him in the back court. If it was baseball, he was always past the outfield fence. If it was soccer, I could always count on him cheering me on. In school, he was always asking questions about my studies and encouraging me to be the first in my family to earn a college degree.

At times when I was in college, he felt unsure about his ability to support me financially. I remember the talk we had at graduation and how guilty he sounded when we discussed how I had put myself through college and worked a full time job. As my father shared his feelings, I listened attentively and waited for my turn to speak. I looked right back into his eyes, and I told him, “Dad, you never let me down, you and mom were always with me. You taught me everything I needed to know to be prepared for college and the responsibilities of life. You did the best you could and you did a great job as my father. You have given me the tools to be a great dad to my children and that gift is priceless.”

So on this Father’s Day, I want all of us to look back and look forward to being the best fathers we can be. Know that you are doing the best you can do each and every day. What matters most is that fatherhood is an experience in learning, communicating and feeling. Richard J Jaramillo

Honor your sons and daughters

This is the 4th Divorce Commandment

Honor your sons and daughters: fatherhood is a blessing. Nurture,protect and financially support your children. Thy progeny shall under no circumstances be used as a political football, despite such antics by other parties. Looking back in 20 years all that will matter to you from this sordid chapter is how you treated the kids, and how they came out of it.

Tips For Divorced Dads

Although both men and women can face a difficult period of transition following the break-up of a marriage, men often have a more difficult time reorganizing their lives after divorce. Because women typically retain custody of the children and residence of the marital home, men face the dual challenge of adjusting to their new parental role and making a new home. Here are some helpful tips to make the transition to a new home easier for you and your children:
Ensure that child has their own space in your home
Sleeping on a sofa/floor or in an open area is not conducive to having your child feel stable in your home. For teen girls, make sure there are little mini containers in the bathroom for her personal affects.

Invite your children to help with decorating their room.
Your child can pick paint colors, posters, and toys to decorate the room. If you keep a second set of their favorite items, clothes, toys, games, etc. it eliminates the drama of forgotten toys and clothes while transferring from mom's place to dad's place. It will help your child to feel secure and make visits less traumatic.


Leather Love is a good thing
Your preference for leather works well with children because it is a great fabric that is easily cleaned of minor spills. Leather furnishings create a comfortable masculine space and your child can bring their favorite pet for the weekend because leather does not collect pet hair.

Scrutinize your home for items that may be a danger to your children
Look around your home; is it clean and comfortable? Take an inventory of items that may be issue- glass tables, sharp edges on furniture, cleaning supplies under the cabinet, stairs without a stair guard, etc. If you have toddlers, crawl around on the floor to see what they see at their eye level.

Make sure you have photographs of your children
If you have remarried and have children with your new wife, make sure there are photographs of all your children. For dads handy with a computer, use your children pictures to create the screensaver on your home computer. It’s a nice touch; and if you are not computer literate, you can ask your child to do it. They will enjoy the task and appreciate the attention from dad.

Ensure that your children have space to do homework.
Even if you are living in a small space, make sure there is a desk or area for the child to work. Sign up for your child’s’ school newsletter to stay involved in their activities. Most schools have online sites, so check out the school calendar.